5 Responses

1. Here’s one.. People ticked off at the town hall meetings are Nazis

2. Bigfoot zapped JFK to death from the grassy knoll using electricity harnessed from Elvis Presley’s hips by Nikola Tesla.

3. I was listening to Elvis on my radio in the wilds of Canada when I heard on the news that JFK had been elected. I went too look for firewood and when I came back the radio was gone. I was sure that I was the only human for miles around and wondered how it might have disappeared. Then I saw what looked like a really tall hippie running away. Damn it, was that a hippie or BIG FOOT ?

4. Oh, that’s easy, this is what really happened-Elvis didn’t die back in the 70s, what had happened was he got screwing around with a Tesla Coil one night in the early 60s when he was loaded and got this huge jolt of electricity, which rearranged his genetic code and turned him into Bigfoot.

   He went into hiding until ’62, when JFK invited him to perform at his birthday party. Elvis couldn’t resist the opportunity to meet the President of the U.S. so instead of sending his double, he went himself and sang “I ain’t nothin’ but a houn’ dog.’ But instead of applause, he got hoots of laughter because of the way he looked, like a big ol’ wolfhound kinda growling and snuffling around. To make matters worse, only Marilyn Monroe was featured on the news and Elvis was entirely ignored…they even edited out the part of the Marilyn clip where he came up behind her and stuck his snout up the back of her gown.

   He was so hurt by the incident that he went back into hiding, where he spent the next several months licking his wounds and plotting his hideous revenge, which he carried out the following year. To avoid panic among the populace, the Warren Commission concocted the convoluted and ridiculous story we all know and blamed the whole thing on Lee Harvey Oswald.

   I mean it’s easy because that’s what reely, reely happened, I didn’t have to make anything up.

5. Tesla invented a device that could detect a Bigfoot in the wild, and he talked Elvis into putting up the money to develop a working model, with the understanding that the first mating pair of Bigfoots found would work a gig with Elvis in Las Vegas to help him recoup his investment. This all happened when JFK was president, and he heard about it from a woman who was sleeping with both him and Elvis. Afraid that the American public would not be able to handle the news that Bigfoot really exists, Kennedy offered Tesla a job on a top secret program at Los Alamos National Laboratories, where Elvis had been previously barred for amphetamine use and hip-shaking. What JFK didn’t know, however, was that Bigfoot live in the national forest around Los Alamos, and they secretly carried messages between Tesla and Elvis for months. When his lady friend finally told him about it, Kennedy’s head exploded, and fast-acting Secret Service agents had to fabricate an assassination story to cover up the existence of Bigfoot, before the public could discover the truth. That’s why the “official version” of what happened in Dallas is so full of holes.