Question by : NEED OPINIONS AND ADVICE ON SCREWED UP SITUATION?
I dont know how to start off, their is so much. This is all 100 percent true. I’m 17 and recently I realized that my moms been cheating on my dad for years with multiple guys, except my dad doesn’t care and knew all along but stayed for me and my 2 sisters. Recently however he cannot handle it anymore so he is going to divorce her. Some background, my mom has narcissistic personality disorder, she’s also really stupid but thinks she’s smart. My dads a doctor and a genius and rarely lets anyone know how much he actually knows and was able to almost positively diagnose this in her. Anyways he told me that originally my mom lied to him that she was infertile and thats how he ended up having me. He felt obligated to marry her. However she wont let him control any of the money he makes, constantly criticizes him about everything, threatens him, and cheats on him(he doesn’t rly care though). Anyways he’s had enough and is now going to divorce her. HERES WHERE IT REALLY GETS MESSED UP. Tonight he told me how before he got married he had 200grand saved away and invested, she burned through all his money in 2 years paying off her debt and now he’s broke. She always tells him he doesnt make enough and hes like I make 250 grand a year, were in the top 2% as income, what do u mean i dont make enough. Anyways he also told me that 7 years ago she kept pushing rly hard for him to get 5million dollar life insurance. He was rly confused about why she wanted it so bad, he gave in and for the year he had the policy weird **** started to happen. He said one day he got up to go to work in the winter and his car (5years old, only 20,000 miles), anyways a few mins after driving out of the driveway the brakes gave out completely and he got in a minor collision on a residential rd. My dad told me he knew that was wierd cus a 5year old car shouldn’t have brake lines so corroded they completely fail under light use. Anyways my mom gets it fixed at a mechanic she knows. Same car, 1 month later my dads driving on icy roads shortly after leaving on his commute for work. Starts losing control, at first he thinks its because its icy then suddenly the steering (manual steering, it wasn’t hydraulic) fails completely, he crashed again on a non major road. HE comes home that day and is like honey u aren’t trying to kill me right. Anyways he starts getting worried knowing he has a 5million dollar policy on himself and that my mom had been pushing so hard for. If this wasn’t already weird. My dad is driving a different car( a 7 year old car) to work 5 months later on the highway, suddenly something under the hood explodes, steam is coming from the engine. Anyways my “moms” mechanic said that he didn’t change the oil for a while. My dad didn’t respond to this but he knew it was impossible for the engine to explode from lack of oil, or bad oil. It can just seize and stop. HE TOLD me that it might just be a coincidence but he has his suspicions. I can’t emphasize enough how great of a person my dad is:( has the most upstanding morals and ethics, he will help anyone) as well as being so smart (despite bad ADD he double majored electrical and aeronautical engineering and has medical specialties in both internal medicine and anesthesiology), The next day he ends the policy despite huge resentment from my mom. My dad never told me this until tonight explaining why he is going to divorce my mom. HE explained to me that he wants to start again with someone who is nice, and at the very least not have to be around my mom. My dad does everything around the house too. Basically my moms a huge ***** and i cant believe the **** she has done, so much crap over the 17 years of marriage.It makes me sick.U know whats also scary, she always watches the murder t.v shows where women murder their husbands and vice versa. Its like the only type of shows that entertain and interest her. My dads kind of scared for his own safety, anyways he told me he wud of never married her if he hadn’t had a kid with her before they were married. He also sympathized for the kid she already had, who was 6 at the time. I just wanted opinions about how ****** up this is. my dad told me about all these affairs and all the pieces fit the puzzle (he has proof, when he came home unexpected, phone calls texts, she even has admitted it to him. she has cheated on him with like 10 different guys over the course of their 17 year marriage. she always gone til 2am (supposedly in the city with friends). But like i said my dad doesn’t give a **** anymore.THEIR is SO SO much more but i just dont want to think about it anymore, i learned to much **** in one night. and my dad didn;’t even want to tell me half the stuff becus he said the person shes cheating with now is someone i know and doesnt want to upset me. but that just got me more pissed and anxious. IDK WHAT TO THINK RIGHT NOW AND KNOWING THEIRS MORE **** MY DAD HASNT
TOLD ME.
ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, HOW MESSED UP IS THIS SITUATION
Best answer:
Answer by Chelsea M
Wow, that is a lot of stuff to deal with. Maybe you should just move with your dad when he divorces her and forget about her. She seems really crazy.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
4 Responses
Obviously you don’t need strangers on the internet to tell you this is screwed up, of course it is. What I would suggest is that since your father knows about these affairs, and I’m guessing your mother isn’t the most careful, to get proof of the cheating to make it that much easier to divorce her and keep whatever he has left. In terms of the kids, I’m assuming you’d prefer to live with your dad and you’re almost 18 anyway so child support shouldn’t be a big deal.
Either way, he obviously needs to get out of this marriage, sounds like she’s trying to kill him off anyway. Start collecting proof of all this stuff or it’s just her word against his/yours. I’m sure once she’s out of the picture he will be able to get his savings account up very quickly again seeing as he’s a doctor.
You are thoroughly disillusioned by your mother’s nature/behavior. If your father has made up his mind to leave, well, you are mature enough to understand the situation and reasons.
From your father’s description you are around 16 or 17 years yourself. If you can suggest to him that you would like to also move into a hostel or if eligible to a University campus in order to find your own space since he could afford it.
It would nice for you to learn from mistakes around on how to take your life forward.
Also nice to keep a neutral relationship with both parents because in some ways both cannot be blamed. Your mom is also a sick person.
Get out of there ASAP!
On a scale of 1-10… that’s an 11.
Support your dad. He needs it, even if he appears strong. Hopefully, you can get some counseling to help sort out your feelings about this. It’s a lot for a kid to deal with.
Good luck to you.